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8 Days.. 20 Challenges..

I guess once you enter a relationship there can be unexpected consequences. My family reunion came up this year, too late for my girlfriend to attend, so she got to scheming. She came up with a little test of my mettle and oh.. she's good. I saw the list she concocted and laughed nervously. I knew I would take on the challenge wholeheartedly. I had to. It's how I roll.

I hit the hot Orlando pavement running and fortunately we hit an off week at the park. The crowds were lite, definitely the way to maximize theme park fun.. but also the way to stand out to the authorities if you are acting suspicious, and I knew I would be. I was quickly becoming concerned about some of the things on my list. My ace-in-the-hole for part of this journey is my 5-year old niece, who has character meeting on her agenda for the week and would get me close to many targets. All of the close-up photos are self-portraits and my brother Chris became my accomplice early on to take the ones that I couldn't. No one else could know about the hunt until it was over. I was allowed one accomplice.

Challenge01: Challenger must ‘bag' 3, pictures of themselves with 3, count them 3, different Disney characters.
 
From the start I knew this one could go in any direction. The characters would be out and about for certain, whipping star struck kids into a pie-eyed frenzy.. but how much time would I have to spend in lines, fighting these fanatical fans for my own personal photo op. I mean, there is Space Mountain to ride and shit.


Gipetto
BAM! Right off the bat upon entering the park I score my first character.


Max
I kept calling this guy Goofy and was later informed by my niece that it was Max, some relative of Goofy's. Bagged him anyway.


Mickey
Got 'em. With 3 bagged on my first day I decided to keep up the pace. I have multiple shots with most of these characters from throughout the week.


Chip (or Dale)
I captured both of these tweekers a couple of times.


The Other One
They were the most fun
characters to play with.


Goofy
I kept calling this guy Pluto. He didn't like it very much.


Some Mousy Babe
At Animal Kingdom I made a couple of scores.


That Gorilla Guy
You know who he is, if you've seen that animal cartoon kid's movie.


Pluto
Pluto is biting my arm here and I am disturbing some of the kids at nearby tables. The self-portrait sneak-attack photo style left the gory stuff off
frame unfortunately.


Poo
I finally got to meet one of my
all-stars on the last morning.


T-I-double Guh-Errrr
And my other all-star on the
same morning.
 
Challenge02: Challenger must order one meal without using any words…proof will be a note from one of the brothers who witnessed this. You may point to pictures on the menu only. No writing it out. Must use hand signals and grunts as means of communication.
 
This one was hysterical. I knew it would be good fun and a pretty easy knock for me. I ended up ambushing our breakfast waiter Jesus and ordering my meal, well, kind of like Frankenstein would, I imagine. Grunting loudly, pointing between my belly and the menu alternately, going Mmmmmmmmm in a deep tone and then rubbing my belly. Jesus got the message and gave me a crazy look and a small smile. The rest of my family looked at me like I had two heads but didn't ask what the hell I was doing. Chris knew at this point but was sworn to secrecy. *disclosure* the eggs benedict I ordered was less than perfect, but this was the case around the table so I don't discount my challenge skills.


I grunt and point as my sister-in-law cracks up.
Challenge03: Must bag a least one autograph from Disney “Babe” characters, Cinderella, Belle, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, only female characters count…no dwarfs, mice, etc. Yes they give out autographs and yes there better be picture proof of you getting autograph as well. No having Chris write a fake one on a napkin.
  I knew my niece would be crucial here so I tagged along with her at times and got schooled in the way of the proper Prince-i. I also got schooled by numerous DI$N3Y babes on where not to touch them.. an honest mistake on my part, on every occasion, I can assure you.. I have all the following autographs on file.


Minnie Mouse
The first night and I am "bagging a babe." I am psyched.



Minnie Mouse
Later that night I realize mice don't count and must scratch this "bag."


Areola
The next day I got busy and bagged 3 in a row at a princess meeting party thingy.


Snow White
No dwarves, just Snow White posing with me.


Belle
The first of many meetings for me and Belle.


Cinderella
I fought the kids line for this one.


Mary Poppins
I bagged her a few times.


Ariel
I accidentally grabbed her "sea shells" after telling her it was my birthday. In the photo I am quite
paralyzed with fear.


Alice
My favorite babe of course. She has the key to the rabbit hole.
Challenge04: Must wear and have proof of the “I Heart My Penis” or “No One Knows I am a Lesbian”…while walking through the pool area of Hotel…photo proof please.
 
This task wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I only had one of the shirts with me and it was a toughy by Disney standards. I was wicked paranoid for this shoot and figured I would be locked up at the end of this one for sure. Everything turned out fine though.


Nervously passing a family with small children..


..and then hitting up the lifeguard
for a shot, trying not to let her see the shirt as the other guards eyed me suspiciously.
Challenge05: Wait until another group is posing for a family shot and run up jump in group and have brother Chris, John or Andrew shoot the shot of you with your new family.
 
This photo evidence was flagged by the judge because it wasn't the type of family she wanted me to join. Now that is straight up typism in my book and I'm not having it. This family was having their photo taken on main street, MGM Studios, and I joined in for my own photo with my new family. I stand by it.


Me and my new family strike a pose.
Challenge06: Self portrait in any airport bathroom…please with clothes…they take homeland security waaaay to serious these days.
 
Houston, we have a problem..

Nothing that a constitutional in George Bush Intercontinental Airport's facilities couldn't take care of. This was taken early in the morning, after my red-eye out of Portland left me feeling a bit raw.


Houston.. we have a problem.
Challenge07: Picture proof of you trying to cut in line at a big ride.
 
I had a couple of tries at this one before we got a good photo. It always made me nervous before giving a try. Cutting in line makes everyone angry. I ducked to the front of this line while the lady to the right looks at me like "What the F* do you think you are doing?" I.. didn't know what to tell her. She wouldn't understand.


What the F* do you think you are doing?
Challenge08: Picture proof of you ‘pretending' to fall into any body of water located on park.
 
I was able to get this one pretty quickly when we took a boat ride the first day. Yeah, I know I look spazzy. But do you know how hard it is to look like you are falling into a body of water without actually falling into said body of water? It a'int easy.


Spazzy shot #1


Spazzy shot #2
Challenge09: Must buy mouse ear hat, then have inscribed on the back “ Eric Shun” “Hugh Jardon” “Iva Biggin” “Justin Heras” “Neil Anblomi” “Phil Accio” or“Wang Phat”. Then you must wear hat for the rest of the day at the park and have photo proof.
  OK. This one didn't happen but it wasn't for lack of trying. From day one my brother and I were on the lookout for any hat inscription stand. They aren't easy to find but you see people with names on their hats everywhere around the park. We finally found one and I got up my nerve to make this happen.

The only sign in front of inscriber woman explicitly reads "Proper Names Only." That stinks because I really really want to go for the whole shebang, using Phil Accio. I approach her anyway and concoct a story about my sick nephew Phil. All Phil wants from my trip to Disney, which he was too sick to join us on, is a mouse ear hat with his name on it. His full name so he knows it is special for him. I go through this big elaborate story with lots of detail, trying to strike a chord. Inscriber woman is sympathetic but, in the end, shuts me down.

We spent the rest of the week trying to think of a good proper name to use that also had strong innuendo but failed to come up with anything I liked.
Challenge10: Picture proof of you giving “devil's horns” to some random stranger. Try and not get punched in the face please…it's all you have.
  This one made me nervous every time because there are people all around seeing what you are doing. And I was never completely certain of when the camera would be ready and the shot taken so I always felt like I was left hanging out to dry. Like the challenge says, my face is all I have and I didn't want to get it punched out.


I really thought this guy was
going to slug me. He kind of
looks like Tim Robbins.


I bagged this guy at Animal
Kingdom. Go figure.


And I bagged these two at
EPCOT. They didn't have a
clue.
Challenge11: Nude photo of you on your hotel bed…bonus points if you roll your naked body in Chris's clothes and take picture proof. (Apologize to Chris please).
  Yeah, I know this one is sick.. but revenge is best served cold and this whole Xtreme Scavengers Hunt thingy has given me some ideas.. Anyway, I passed on the bonus points for this one. Chris was pleased with my decision.


 


 


 

Challenge12: Self portrait on plane pretending to use the vomit bag…bonus points for picture with in flight peanuts stuck up nostrils.
 
This one kind of freaked the other passengers out a little. They were
the first shots I got and I was
happy to get the challenges going.


Oh..


Shit!
The far right photo is from the
Mission: SPACE simulator at
EPCOT.


In-flight Peanut bonus shot.


Mission: SPACE
Challenge13: Put a glob of gum on the front of your zipper…making it look like a ball is caught…ask brother Andrew or John to please help you get you “bean” out of your zipper….picture proof please.
 
This one was a fucking riot. It was towards the end of the week and I was getting ready to head out with my brothers for the night. I figured it was a good time and signaled Chris to ready the camera. I lay back and started screaming out for Andrew to come from the adjoining room. I was screaming "Andrew! Quick! Come here! My bean! My bean!" when my Mother comes busting into the room to find me writhing on the bed, pointing at my fly. The look on her face was priceless and Chris captured this one perfectly.


"My bean! My bean!"
Challenge14: Bare ass photo in your hotel elevator. This may be a self portrait or you may have one of the brothers L* do the honors.
 
This one is censored. Suffice it to say that I got the shot (a self portrait) and it isn't pretty.


My test shot.. just before the real shot.
Challenge15: When you see Mickey or Minnie approach your area, immediately jump on the closest chair and scream, “Iiiiieeeeeeee I hate mice…somebody get it….I hate mice….” Proof may come from a written note from family member verifying.
 
OK. This has to be one of my favorites. I had plenty of sightings of both Mickey and Minnie throughout the week so opportunity was not an issue with these two. The problem was gathering my balls to get the job done. Chris was always at the ready, it was just up to me.

I finally made this one happen in a crowded restaurant where we ate plattered food. I saw Minnie approaching and made a split second decision to go. Chris quickly, casually, walked over to a corner with his camera as I jumped up on my chair and began screaming "Iiiiiiieeeeee I hate mice.. somebody get it.. I hate mice..." This went on for what seemed like hours as the camera warmed up and the photo was snapped. My family, as well as a half dozen other tables looked at me in shock. Again, nobody asked what the hell I was doing. I am more certain now than ever that park security is watching me closely.


Possibly the scariest challenge of the series.
Challenge16: Close up photos of: 1 brother's nose, 1 brother's ear and 1 brother's mouth…your choice for each…and they must be ambushed photos…no having them pose….this is a sneak attack photo session.
  Breezy.


Chris' mouth.


Andrew's ear.


John's nose.
Challenge17: A photo of you, posing with your shirt off, flexing like you are from WWF in front of Cinderella's Castle.
 
This one freaked me out. There is no busier place in the Magic Kingdom than in front of Cinderella's Castle and I fully understand that showing skin in DI$N3Y is not allowed. I expected to be arrested immediately upon taking my shirt off for this one but I chose my opportunity wisely and found an opening where I could get the shot. Passers by were quite amused to say the least.


The Crab hits Cinderella's Castle
Challenge18: Must have picture proof of you on a child's ride…by yourself…no taking Emma…you may choose between the following rides: Astro Orbitro, Cinderella's Golden Carousel, Dumbo the Flying Elephant or It's A Small World….if for some reason you cant find one of these attractions then another child's ride will do….roller coasters are not children's rides.
 
So here are a couple of kiddie ride shots. I did hit Dumbo the Flying Elephant and It's A Small World too, plus I went on a bunch more with my family. Roller Coasters are the bomb but I'll ride anything.


Alladin's Magic Carpet Ride


I thought this was a giant
coffee cup and jumped in.
All of a sudden I was spinning
out..
Challenge19: Photo of you and family L* in front of DisneyWorld gate, garden or other photo op area. This is a serious photo. All family must be present and you must ask a stranger to take the photo. Do it with an accent please.
 
Two family photos, just for kicks. The accent that came out of me was some kind of cross between Spanish and French. The person I asked gave me a queer look.


The whole crew outside the Magic Kingdom


Outside Animal Kingdom
Challenge20: Challenger's challenge….you may make up one challenge for yourself. You will be judged on creativity, expression, cleverness and outcome of said challenge. You may also defer to a brother or your mother to come up with a challenge.
  When opportunity presented itself, I took it. Here are some of the resulting photos.


I jumped in this family's baby stroller but couldn't fit in.


I jumped in this hotel cagey thingy that was by the bus stop and began rattling it and making mad noises. People were scared.


I hoped into this display while in line for Pirate's of the Caribbean and tried to fire the cannon.


Chris and I lured this duck into our bedroom with crackers and were about to sick it on my Mom who was bathing in the next room when it took a big, hot dump on our floor. We freaked out and chased it away.


We all began acting crazy with the four of us doing synchronized stunts everywhere we went.


I wore the "I <heart> MY PENIS" shirt out to DI$N3Y's adult playland, Pleasure Island where I drew an inordinate amount of attention. Here we are cutting it to 80's tunes at the club 8-TRAX.


I got long-distance challenged to get on the stage at a luau we went to and here is the proof of this one. Before I knew it I was on stage and it took me about half a minute to notice the 500 people in front of me.


Ignition! This was right before I got busted by the Monorail Driver.


Taken at Animal Kingdom and a big crowd pleaser.
 

 

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