We tore ourselves away from home and work for an overnight stay across the river at Carson Mineral Hot Springs in Carson, WA.  We had been talking about it for years and finally booked a room and spa package to celebrate our 5th Anniversary.  The drive along the Columbia was sublime as we took the 14 on the Washington side.  Easy does it.  We arrived in time to check into our room and head down to the bath house.  I must say I was unprepared for what I encountered.

We chose Carson Hot Springs for its rustic appeal.  No televisions in the rooms, no wi-fi, no weekend warriors.  In short, no distraction from our chillaxin.  And that is what we got for the most part, until I entered the strong, steamy interior of the men’s spa for my 2 hour treatment.  What I discovered inside was a lost Twin Peaks episode about the local Polar Bear Club.  I dropped my clothing in a low basket and entered the 20×20 tiled soaking room, searching through the steam for tub #6.  There were 4 large claw foot tubs propped upon large wooden blocks on the right side of the room with a matching 4 large tubs on the left.  To my surprise, the 5 large tubs surrounding my tub #6 contained half clothed, very large and hairy Russian men, each displacing a tidal wave of water from their tub each time they sink below the surface, which they do with the consistent, slow rhythm of a pod of whales.

I drop into my large tub and kill the cold water.  We were told the hot is coming in at 119 today and I need to boil myself for a spell.  I hope I can zone out and savor my soak.  Over the course of the next 30 minutes, the Russian men play musical tubs, switching tubs every few minutes and displacing water without saying a word.  The scene is completely surreal.  What weirds me out even more are these large images found above each tub, recessed into the wall and staring down at me as I savor my soak. Since I can’t make images in here I take detailed images in my head, this is almost hallucinatory.  To my left is a 2×3 image of Bugs and Sylvester Playing Pool.  OK viagra uk.  Over the next tub is the totally classic Wolf Howling at Moon.  Next up is Unicorn in Waterfall only to be followed by Panda Eating Tigers Head.  Slosh slosh, the Russians swap tubs.

One by one the Russians are plucked from the room until it is my turn.  I am led to another room and a cold, wet, low cot again surrounded by Russians.  Within moments I am cocooned like all the others, wrapped in sheets and towels like a mummy, with only my nose and eyes poking through.  I lay wrapped for another half hour to sweat profusely through the sheets, feeling worked but enjoying the detoxifying ride.  Eventually I am pulled from my cocoon to the showers and led into a weathered back room for my massage.  The next 60 minutes complete my treatment with a nice strong body work over.  They only offer light, medium and firm massage but I asked for deep tissue and got a little extra power out of my massage therapist.  My body feels much better for it.

I really enjoyed our stay at Carson Mineral Hot Springs, weirdness included.  The rustic and affordable resort offers something different, a little bit of a throw back to older times.  Thank you for an excellent trip Laura and Happy Anniversary.  Everything is awesome-sauce with you by my side.

And now we have done that.  Check.

** While traveling through Washington we stumbled upon the Bonneville Hot Springs Resort just a short distance away..  a little more classy..  a little more pampery..  a little more our style perhaps..  We will leave rustic to the hippies in the future and check out Bonneville next time.  Can’t wait.

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